HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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