If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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