I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
