I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It's shark week go big or go home
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
