i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
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I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
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Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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