Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
