The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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