WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
