My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
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I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
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Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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