I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
