Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
