Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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