after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
