And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
