Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My vagina just recognized that song.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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