wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i just sent this text using only my big toe
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
