best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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