i'm signing you up for texting rehab
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
