I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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