I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
