Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
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Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
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Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize