I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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