saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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