She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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