Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
