its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
