Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
