Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
