just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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