this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
