It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
