also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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