just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
