if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
