He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
