so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
