I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
