You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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