Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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