his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
