did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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