good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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