anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
