Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
