That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
