I'm so fucking centered right now
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
