all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
