you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
