So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
