I met the friendliest cop last night
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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