im holly from the hills drunk
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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