The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
