I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
