This is not my ceiling
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
