moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
