some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
