Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
