What did we do last night that was yellow?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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