How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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