I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
