The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
im on a boat
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