Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
