You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
