Got a toothbrush?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
