come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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