Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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