his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
