Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Sorry my hands just texted you
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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