wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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