Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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