Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
