I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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