the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
they're like a gay fantastic four
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
