And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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